What About the Boy?

You don't raise heroes, you raise sons. And if you treat them like sons, they'll turn out to be heroes, even if it's just in your own eyes.

~Walter M. Schirra, Sr.

Through my writings here at The Autism Experience, and over at The GFCF Experience, you have gotten to know members of my family fairly well. You know Helena, of course, through our experiences with autism. You know Olivia through her imaginative artwork. And you know Julia through the antics of a (now) 3-year old.

But what about the boy? I seem to write very little about Nicholas, my 8-year old son. But I want to make up for lost time here, because he is very special, and he deserves a moment in the sun.

Plus, he illustrates a glaring need in our public school system.

All of my children are special, but Nicholas is truly gifted. At four years old he was already reading. By the end of Kindergarten he was working on multiplication and division. By the end of first grade he was into chapter books and had pretty much devoured all the Magic Tree House books he could find.

The problem was, the school could not, or would not, keep up with him. He loved going to school (he still does) but he wasn't really learning anything he didn't already know. The school acknowledged that he was gifted, and as he entered second grade, he was given a teacher whom we were told would be progressive and allow Nicholas to work to his ability.

What we got was a disaster. Nicholas would come home, and all we would hear is how he beat his teacher playing Hangman. He was still getting spelling lists with simple words instead of the more advanced words that we were promised. Same thing with math. We I talked to the teacher at conferences, he would throw up his hands and say that the Superintendent is mandating common a curriculum in all classrooms, and that there wasn't a lot of wiggle room in that!

The IDEA guarantees Helena and all children the right to a free and appropriate public education, although those of us who have been through the IEP process year after year know how difficult it can be to achieve that. Still, IDEA is a Federal Law designed to protect the education rights of special needs children.

The No Child Left Behind Act (sic!) focuses mainly on bringing disadvantaged students, and those is "low-scoring" schools, up to academic proficiency. This often means more focus is given to test score performance and bringing the "underachieving" students up to academic standards.

But what about the gifted students? What about the boy?

Fortunately, in third grade, as Nicholas transitioned from Elementary school (K-2) to Intermediate School (3-5) things seem to be improving. For the first time this year, they offered a gifted program to children in third grade, and Nicholas was one of five children selected to participate. They really do not have a structured program for the third graders (since this is the first year), but the gifted program director is enthusiastic and great to work with. Nicholas also has a wonderful regular teacher who has many of the higher functioning third graders in her classroom, and there is a lot more flexibility in the curriculum. I can only hope this is a sign of how things will be in the future.

What is really scary is that had we remained in Georgia instead of moving to Montana, Nicholas would only be in second grade right now, since he would have significantly missed the cutoff date for being in third grade, since they start school there at the end of July as opposed to September here (he missed the cutoff date here by 10 days, but they allowed him to test into Kindergarten when he was 4).

At home, Nicholas is a typical 8-year old in a lot of ways, notably in how he always gets into disagreements (to put it mildly) with Olivia. He loves sports, especially baseball and soccer. He is really into computers right now, and is actually designing his own virtual worlds! His love of computers has really had a great influence on Helena. Helena likes to go on to the computer and play, but usually it's the same old games. Nicholas has introduced her to a lot of new and fun things to do, and he willingly stays by and teaches her and encourages her (at least until Helena shoos him away so she can do it herself!). He is also great with Julia. He loves to play with her! He continues to be a voracious reader - we will check 10 juvenile books out of the library and he devours them in a day or two. His favorite author - Matt Christopher, whose books I enjoyed when I was a kid!

I know it is really hard on him to have 3 sisters and no brother, but he handles it well.

What about the boy? The boy, he is my son, and I am honored to be his Father.

What Kind of World Do I Want?

What kind of world do you want? Think anything
Let's start at the start, build a masterpiece...

-Five for Fighting


Since I joined Facebook I have not only reconnected with friends and family, but I have made many wonderful new friends as well. I would like to introduce you to one of them right now. Her name is Dierdre.

Dierdre is the mother of Logan, a wonderful little boy who happens to be on the autism spectrum. Dierdre blogs at Life As An Autism Mom, and I would encourage you to check her blog out. It is a very honest look at the joys and trials and tribulations of raising a child with autism.

Dierdre also made a video about Logan, as part of Five for Fighting's What Kind of World Do You Want foundation, which provides charitable donations depending on how many times a video for a charity is watched. It is a beautiful tribute to her son, and Dierdre and her husband's dreams for his future world.

There is one line in her video that really inspired me:

I want a world where autism is not mistaken for developmental delay.

I know where Dierdre is coming from, as we went through the same thing with Helena. Doctor's kept putting us off, telling us she was just developing slower, until a brave doctor finally diagnosed autism when she was three.

But "developmental delay" goes beyond that as well. Children on the autism spectrum have also been labelled as "retarded" or "stupid," among other things, especially those that are more severe. This is just so incredibly untrue. As we parents of children with autism know, our children are quite intelligent and talented, they just look at the world in a different way.

I am reminded of a classic Gary Larson Far Side comic, where there are hundreds of penguins on the ice, all looking and behaving exactly the same, except for one, who is bellowing out at the top of his lungs I've Gotta Be Me....."

I have not mastered the art of producing my own video yet, but this is the world that I want:

• I want a world where doctors are honest with parents, instead of delaying the inevitable diagnosis.



• I want a world where families living with autism can affordably get the help they need.



• I want a world where the word "neurotypical" is eradicated from the English language, and any other language in which it appears.



• I want a world where Helena, to paraphrase the show she is performing in next weekend, is free to be who she is.



• I want a world where, to borrow from an older blog post of mine, the Hippocratic Oath means something, and is not just a bunch of words said by some old Greek guy.



• And finally, to borrow the profound words said by the teenage daughter (who is on the spectrum) of a friend of mine, I want a world where autism is not looked at as a disability, but as a difference.

What kind of world do you want? Think anything
Let's start at the start, Build a masterpiece

Thank you Dierdre and Logan for your inspiration.